The Gift of the Enneagram
My journey with this ancient and mystical framework
I was at a fraternity house party in college one time.
It was a huge house rented by a handful of my frat bros so most of the people there were guys in my fraternity. Of course, there were girls too. I mean, that’s why a lot of us guys join social clubs back then right? To meet girls.
Anyway, back to this party.
This memory stands out because it is heartbreaking on many levels.
In our drunken stupor, one of the guys essentially outed another one of our fraternity bros as gay in front of a handful of people. I remember how out of it the offender was, as the words came out of his mouth.
I don’t remember what he said.
But I do remember the effect it had on everyone, and how much it hurt the victim.
I felt trapped in that moment. I didn’t know what to do. Part of me felt angry and the other part of me wanted to console the victim.
I did neither.
All I remember was that I sat there frozen and then I remember going to console the victim moments later.
My consolation was not effective as I offered these words below.
“He didn’t mean it.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
“Come on, let’s just forget about it and have a good time.”
This is what I used to do.
My response to any sense of uncomfortable emotions is to avoid and quickly reframe. I’m a master re-framer. This is my survival mechanism.
Since childhood, I was wired to reframe any negative experience or emotion into something positive. This is my superpower. It’s why people like me. I can keep things light, bright, funny and free.
What happened is that in my reframing program, I was able to bypass the depth of any grieving, loss or trauma. All of the emotions that went with those experiences were cast aside and I did it so quickly and intuitively. I had to. It’s how I survived. The 7-year old me would have melted. He would’ve been unable to keep going had he been forced to face the depth of trauma at that age. So he had to cope.
But in the story above with my fraternity brothers and many more stories after that, this reframing superpower of mine started to cast a long shadow. It prevented me from connection. It blocked me from the other side of life — the part that’s just as beautiful as the bright side.
The part of life where you can feel the depth of sadness, grieving and loss.
The Way Out is Inward: The Enneagram
During my journey into the coaching profession, I discovered the Enneagram. Actually, I believe the Enneagram found me.
Enneagram comes from the Greek words "ennéa" meaning "nine" and "gramma" meaning "figure" or “symbol”. That said, it is worth noting that the Enneagram did not likely originate from the Greeks.
Strange looking symbol, right?
Yet, imagine a tool so profound that it weaves ancient traditions, mysterious origins, and modern psychology. That’s the Enneagram for you. It’s like a mirror. It shows us our strengths, our quirks, our little blind spots, and the things we don’t often admit even to ourselves.
The origins of the Enneagram?
Truthfully, it is as elusive as the mist over Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica and weirdly, that’s why I love it.
It's believed to have roots in various traditions – from Christian mysticism to Sufi teachings, from ancient Greek philosophy to the sacred geometry of Pythagoras. (UPDATE: My understanding on the origins of the Enneagram has evolved - check out my post here). But how did this ancient map, once shrouded in secrecy, find its way into the heart of the Western world?
Its journey to the modern day started in the early 20th century through mystics and thinkers like G.I. Gurdjieff and later through the works of Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo. It was them who reintroduced it, reshaped and infused it with psychological insights. They presented the Enneagram not merely as a spiritual tool, but as a transformative personality framework for growth.
Now, what's truly intriguing about the Enneagram is the nine unique types it expresses. Each type, like an individual color of a beautiful mosaic, has its own motivations, fears, desires, and focus.
Have you ever caught yourself in a loop of thoughts, playing the same old stories?
“I’m not good enough”,
“I’m too much”, or
“I don’t belong”.
Ring a bell?
Yeah, I've been there too. But with the Enneagram, it’s like someone handed you a manual to decipher those stories, making sense of the whys and hows.
Let's briefly explore of the Nine Personality Strategies:
The Perfectionist (Type One): Driven by an innate desire for integrity and goodness, they seek a world of perfection. Their focus? Correctness and avoiding fault.
The Giver (Type Two): A heart that beats for others. Their world revolves around being needed and avoiding feelings of worthlessness.
The Achiever (Type Three): The stars that shine the brightest, driven by a need for success and a fear of being worthless.
The Individualist (Type Four): They dance to their own rhythm, seeking uniqueness and fearing insignificance.
The Investigator (Type Five): With minds as vast as the universe, they seek understanding and fear being overwhelmed by the world.
The Loyalist (Type Six): Faithful guardians of trust and security, they desire guidance and fear being without support.
The Enthusiast (Type Seven): Joy personified. They crave excitement and fear being deprived. (It’s me, Hi 👋🏽 - this is the type I lead with)
The Challenger (Type Eight): Powerhouses of protection and control, they desire to guard themselves and their loved ones, fearing harm or manipulation.
The Peacemaker (Type Nine): Gentle souls who crave harmony and fear loss and separation.
Each type, a world of its own, provides a mirror into our deepest selves, revealing the masks we wear and the truths we sometimes forget or even actively avoid.
For me, the Enneagram became more than just another tool. It was a journey of coming home – of recognizing, with both joy and sorrow, the patterns that have been playing out unconsciously. And like my journey with money, it became an invitation to transformation. An opportunity to break free from limiting narratives and step into a deeper truth.
Diving into the depths of the Enneagram, we uncover not just our patterns, but our potential. We move from a space of confinement to one of limitless possibility, dancing freely in the vast expanse of our true nature.
In every line, in every curve, in every number, the Enneagram whispers to us – reminding us that we are not bound by our past, our fears, or our stories. We are ever-evolving, ever-transforming, and forever on a journey to our highest and truest selves.
With respect,
Jomar
PS:
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Intrigued about the Enneagram?
I am inviting you to participate in an Enneagram typing interview in order to have a new understanding of who you are and what superpowers you hold.
In this 60-min session, you will walk away with a deeper understanding of your gifts, talents, skills + hidden biases through the lens of this powerful character matrix.
The Enneagram has transformed my life.
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You will leave with…
3 possible types
A high level understanding of your hidden motivations and saboteurs
Resources to continue your journey with the Enneagram, should you choose to do so.
The investment is $499***
If you are interested in a group Enneagram offering for your team or community, please reply to this email with “Group Enneagram” and we can chat.
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